When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
