so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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