imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want nice things and good sex
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
