hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
