if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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