Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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