I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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