No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Randomize
