we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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