DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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