i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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