i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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