You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He did a backflip because drugs
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