Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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