After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
