PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
