How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
