On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
