ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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