the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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