I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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