I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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