I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
