instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
