Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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