Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
