things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
