I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
