Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
