Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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