I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
