Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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