Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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