i may or may not be watching the land before time
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
