how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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