Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
