Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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