he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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