Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
