alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
