I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
