The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
