It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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