I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
