my vag is so smooth its legendary
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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