do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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