hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
