i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
