Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am naked and annoyed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
