i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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