Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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