there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
